Clarebear's log

Very tired, adrenals are fried. Studio is so cold, I’m getting kindof pissed off because I keep asking them to turn the damn heat up. My students’ practice is suffering and they are unhappy.

I opted out of cycling tonight because I had a really rotten stomach ache and didn’t rush myself to get there in time. So I did other cardio.

Standing Cable Kickbacks:
80x12x1
85x9x1

Reverse Biceps Curl Close - cable:
30x15x2

27 min elliptical; 30 min abs class; 16 min stepper; 80 min power yoga

Duration: 165 minutes

45 min stairs (intervals); 15 min stepper (intervals)

Duration: 60 minutes

Good day, turned into a very bad day.

Single Arm Press - dumbbell on stability ball:
40x10x1
40x9x2

Smith Split Squat:
70x12x2
75x10x1

Underhand Grip Pulldown:
100x11x1
100x10x2

Standing Curls:
25x10x2

Seated Leg Press - machine:
230x11x2
230x10x1

BTB Pushdown:
120x15x3

Assisted Dips:
25x12x2
25x10x1

23 min ellpitical

Duration: 85 minutes

I’m an emotional wreck. Step consisted of, exercise that I couldn’t focus on because I was either in a state of peaceful numbness or about to run out crying.

Yoga- very good.

50 min Step and Sculpt; 20 min abs class; 65 min power yoga

Duration: 135 minutes

I’m feeling ok but not great. There is a great weight on my shoulders with my personal life and things will be changing very drastically soon. I’m very worried and anxious, but mostly extremely sad and confused. It has been taking a damaging toll on my health for a very long time, and will probably get much worse before it gets better. The weekend was a blur of waves of depression and terrible panicking. I just have to keep steady in the gym and with my diet as best I can, but those are the two factors that seem to change for the worse when my life turns. I’ll quietly just keep trying my best. People on the outside don’t appreciate that it is a constant struggle that I always have to “try” at, but I know in I’m trying, and I guess that is what matters, and why I need to separate myself from people who I feel don’t support that.

45 min stairs (intervals); 15 min stepper (intervals)

Duration: 60 minutes

We had a nice snow overnight and this morning, a few inches. It was very beautiful so I went for a walk, stopped at the grocery store, and toted two bags back home.

walk, 2ish miles

Duration: 50 minutes

Plie Squat - dumbbell:
80x10x3

Bench Dips:
25x12x3

Cable Hyperextension:
50x12x1
55x12x1
60x12x1

Decline Bench Press:
75x14x1
80x11x2

Seated Rows - cable:
120x10x1
120x9x2

Single Arm Side Pushdown (straight arm):
24x10x2

Duration: 50 minutes

I got 8 hours of sleep. But I am still feeling ill and I look awful. My skin is sickly and my eyes are sunken even more than usual. Maybe the lost carbs/calories from cutting out Splenda is catching up with me. I guess there is no way to really konw since I didn’t measure it.

Anyways, this was just really hard to get through. Most everything on my body is sore or hurting.

Straight Bar Pushdown - cables:
90×9x3

Chest Press - machine:
67×11x3

Leg Extension:
250×12x3

WG Pulldown:
84×9x3

Arm Extension:
75×5x2

34 min stairs (intervals)

Duration: 85 minutes

Severe holiday depression has set in. The high after the 5K this morning lasted about an hour, that was the highlight of my Thanksgiving Day. I spent the rest of the day cooking for Nathan and cleaning, and working.  And trying not to cry.  It doesn’t help that I’m running on about 3 hours of sleep I guess.

I have a TON to be thankful for and I am most thankful for the everyday comforts of my life. Warm home and food, soft bed, comfort, convenience.  And also the health and happiness of my family and friends.  Corny, oh well, but its true. 

5K (25* brrr)

Duration: 23 minutes

Oops. So I bought this calorie free vitamin water crap for a “treat” for myself today and I drank about half of it through cycling. It had no caffeine. But what it did have was that Guarana stuff that Frick just told me about! I didn’t realize it until I read the bottle after class and I was shaking like crazy. Half a bottle and I was a mess. It didn’t give me energy, it made me feel really scared and nervous. Not my thing.

Anyways, since I’ve been obsessing over deadlifting and dreading when I have to do it again, I just got it over with tonight. I hate this feeling again.

Yoga was good and I was feeling better from the crazy juice, but I did feel pretty alert. Everyone stayed for tea after class and talked a bit which was really nice. Except for this one really annoying guy. But that isn’t very yoga of me to say so nevermind.

See I’m still all messed up and talking funny.

Deadlift - barbell:
130x9x1
130x8x2

35 min cycle circuit; 30 min abs class; 75 min power yoga

Duration: 150 minutes